The Oliver Letters

It's late November 2024. Your birthday has passed once again and even now at 19 years old I'm still blocked from making contact with you. As your mother, Rachel, shows signs of fear as she continues to evade and avoid dealing with the issue, I've decided it's time for us to analyse what's really going on. What's the real situation here - Anger? Fear? Avoidance? It's important to fully understand what the driving force is behind what's making Rachels decisions. From my perspective, I think she's scared. This behaviour is always the sign of someone that will do anything to stop their boat being rocked. And I guess that's fair in a way. I mean none of us really enjoy something coming along and upsetting our Applecart do we? But does it go deeper than that. When Rachel's involved, it often does. We need to look at how she structures her world. In my experience it was an intricate web of lies used to create a persona that she u...

Hi Oliver, I had to write tonight because, with some degree of coincidence, I just found out tomorrow is World Suicide Prevention Day And that matters for a couple of reasons. Firstly, when it comes to my own life. Back in 2005 when your mother was pregnant with you and we split up, I hit absolute rock bottom. I knew not being with your mother was the right thing, because she had treated me horribly during the time we were together. But the thought my first child was going to start life with separated parents was just too much to handle at the time. I was raised by two loving parents and with a brother by my side. Everyone has their own opinions, but in my mind that's the best way to raise kids - with both parents in the same home, teaching the same values and showing love and respect to each other as an example for the kids to follow. Unfortunately I had to see a lot of broken families when I was growing up, and I saw the affect it had on the kids....

Dear Oliver, I hope you're in good health and life's treating you well? It's a busy month with a lot going on, and today is no exception. Today is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. So what is 'Parental Alienation'? Well, far too often the parent that the child resides with gets full control of everything that happens. And as you may know, with great power comes great responsibility . Unfortunately, some people use this opportunity to make the other parent look bad to the child and attempt to warp or damage the child's opinion of the other parent. This includes (but is not limited to); Telling the other parent "stop emailing", so that they don't have to deal with problems they created coming back around, whilst failing to provide the child's contact details to the non-resident parent, even when the child is now over 18. Lying to the child about their other parents existence or whereabouts and even suggesting the othe...

Dear Oliver, I know it's not been long since I last wrote, but we're in the middle of a storm here and there's not much else to do and so I wanted to see how you're keeping. At the time of writing this 4 th  letter I've still not heard from you and I've been thinking about why that might be. My first idea was that maybe you're not even receiving my emails, which is why I've used a different account this week in case it's a mailing issue. The other reason could be that maybe your mother just isn't passing them on to you? That seems a fair bet. It can't be easy for her to risk losing any control over the situation, having had a vice-like grip for 18 years. That's the reason I'm sharing all these letters publicly now. Maybe, just maybe, one day you'll happen across them and ask the right questions. On the other hand, maybe you already  are  receiving them, but are not ready to speak to me. And if that...

It was Easter weekend 2005. After a lazy morning, I had gone to the kitchen to start making some breakfast. I had no idea about what was about to happen next... Your mother walked in and announced quite abruptly "I'm pregnant". When it comes to surprise announcements, that one scored a clean 10/10. It wasn't like she had even given me any kind of a heads-up. Often times in relationships when this could be a possibility a woman may say something like "I'm late, should we do a test?" But no. I wasn't kept in the loop, until it was official. I'm actually impressed as to how I reacted to the news. I'll be honest and admit there have been many times in my life when I've received news that falls at either the extremely good or extremely bad end of the scale, and I haven't dealt with it as well as I should at the time. On this occasion though, I felt calm and positive. This is GOOD news, surely? We went out for th...

Dear Oliver, I know I only wrote last week (not that I have any idea still if you're receiving any of these letters) but I just had to drop a quick one over after I had a bit of a flashback to an old memory, and it got me thinking about someone who I think would be a good influence in your life. I'm meeting up with some friends soon that I haven't seen in a long time and it got me thinking about other people from the past and I wondered if Mr. R is still in the fold with your clan? I really hope so. He's a good man. If you're anything like me then I'd bet you get on well with him. When your mother and I split she kept some of my belongings 'hostage' for a few days for some reason that I'll probably never know. But the day she released the hostages (well, everything except my car which she basically stole ) and 'allowed' me to come and collect them, I remember Mr. R being stood on the landing between the two flights of ...

Dear Oliver, Hi again Oliver. How are you keeping lately? I don't know what it's like wherever you are, but here in North West England people just moan their way through January every year, but I've really enjoyed it this time. Plenty of work and adventures has kept me busy and time flies when you're having fun. Now we're in February though, and conversations will likely turn to Valentines for the next few days. That got me thinking about you and wondering if you've got anyone special in your life? Don't worry if you don't, you're at the beginning of your adult life and your adventure's only just begun. I hope that whenever you're ready, you find someone that treats you right. I've made the mistake of trusting the wrong person , and the last thing I'd want for you is to know what it's like to get hurt that way. You'll know for sure when you've found the right person though. Trust your ...

Dear Oliver, Happy New Year! I know we're already a third of the way through the month, but it's still valid in my opinion. To be fair I have no idea if any of these messages are actually reaching you anyway because I haven't had any response, but I'll keep sending them in the hope they are getting through. I'm in the process of updating my website so I'll post the messages onto there as well soon. It would be great if (and when) you're ready, we could arrange for you to visit us this year. We've got a few milestone events in my side of the family that would be fantastic if you could be a part of it (assuming I'm definitely your biological father , of course). There's a lot of questions about you and your life I'd really like to know the answers to and hope that you'll be open to talking to me in the not-too-distant future and see if we can find a way to get to know each other. Take care and I'll write again so...

Dear Oliver, Merry Christmas! Or should I say Feliz Navidad? I hope you're having a great day. Do you celebrate Christmas? Either way I hope you're in good health and making the most of whatever the season means to you. I was hoping to send something to you in time for Christmas, but I've never had an address to reach you at. Luckily I think I've found the right details now, so a friend-of-a-friend who lives in the area has said they'll try to deliver it to you some time in the New Year. Anyway, I'll let you get back to enjoying what's left of the day. I'd love to hear back from you whenever you're ready to find out more about this side of your life. Best wishes for the New Year - I hope 2024 brings amazing things your way. Yours Sincerely, Stu This letter is part of the 'Oliver Jack Musto - What's the Story' Series  

Dear Oliver, Happy Birthday! Congratulations on turning 18 years old today. I don't know what you have been told, but my name is Stuart and I believe I may be your biological father - and I would very much like to get to know you. I'm under the impression you live in Spain ? I live in England, so it's not going to be straightforward for us - but if/when you want to talk to me I'm sure we can find a way. You have my email address and phone number now so any time you want to talk feel free to get in touch. I am on the road a lot and the number below is not my work phone, so if you don't get through initially I'll do my best to get back to you as soon as I can. I hope you have a fantastic day and enjoy this milestone. Yours Sincerely, Stu  This letter is part of the 'Oliver Jack Musto - What's the Story?' Series